Naturalist...not naturist

Who knows what dangers lurk in the wilds of East York? The rare orange footed booby duck was spotted yesterday by young Vincent who promptly batted it with his right hand. Not content with swatting the endangered species (repeatedly), Vincent went on to take down a cardinal with his left hand. Although the cardinal remained unscathed this day, avid birdwatchers have noted ruffled feathers and large amounts of drool on his red head. Vincent wishes his fans to know that despite the vicious rumours that he is a naturist (c'mon...he blushes during diaper changes and cries at bath time!), his true nature (har har) is that of naturalist. When perusing urban wildlife, Vincent likes to wear a striped ensemble. Fortunately, brown stripes are known to deter unwanted attention from the dangerous and unpredictable Ursa Terribilus, a wild and unruly beast who terrorizes women looking for breast milk.


The undated file photo shown here is one of the only known documents of this creature, once believed to exist only in the legends of the local indigenous peoples.